i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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