It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
