Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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