last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize