Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
