Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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