i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
