If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
