im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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