she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
