paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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