let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
