All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
