Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize