watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize