420 ftw
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
