The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
