Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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