I just saw a hot homeless man
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
