we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We have started to decorate penises.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Randomize
