Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
