since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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