if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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