I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
