it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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