I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
