That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
