She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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