Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
