I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
