no, he came in my armpit
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
