So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I died a long time ago.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
