Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
