Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
