Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
