the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
