thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
