i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
