i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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