wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
