break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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