I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
