I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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