Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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