the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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