he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your penis caused this!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
