I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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