Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize