can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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