Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
