i permit you to call me
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
