Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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