I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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