At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
