I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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