the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
